One of my mother's first cousins was Audrey Axelrod Cohen, married to "Maishe" or Morris Cohen. Although Audrey was five years older than my mother, they had their first babies together, in the year 1950. Audrey's child was Maxine (Cohen) Marcus. I was born in March, and Maxine was born in August of that year.

So Maxine and I were either second cousins or first cousins once removed. We were never sure about the term used for our relationship, but it didn't matter because we knew we were related to each other and that we loved each other. Maxine grew up on Alderson Street in Squirrel Hill and went to a different elementary school than I did, but when sixth grade was finished we were filled with joy because we would be going to Allderdice together. And it was a thrill, seeing Maxine in the halls and passing each other notes and having the good fortune of having some classes together.

In 1964-65 we watched the Patty Duke show on television, the show about Patty and her identical British cousin. The next morning at school we used to see each other and sing the theme song from the show: "Cousins, identical cousins, and so on."Because it wasn't a stretch to imagine that we looked alike. We were the same height, she had gorgeous thick blond hair and I had auburn but we both had brown eyes.

The family we came from was a matriarchal one. The deep and life-afirming ties were between the women. Maxine's grandmother, who I called "Aunt Lil" and my own grandmother, "Aunt Nettie," were sisters who raised their families together. We liked to remind each other that our great-grandparents were first cousins, married to each other, and that, according to Maxine, was why we "had a crazy family tree."

The most important thing about this web of sisters, aunts, and cousins is that we laughed. Never was it the kind of mean laughter derived from malice and cruelty to others but real honest laughter that came from life's silly and incongruent aspects. These were truly jolly people who liked to get together and tell each other stories and laugh their heads off. For a time there existed a "cousins club"where the young adult generation of cousins would get together one night a month and talk and laugh so loudly that it would frighten me; I remember lying under the covers when we lived in a duplex on Alderson Street, trying to fall asleep while the cousins screamed with laughter. So it was natural and a part of things that Maxine and I would laugh together too. Life was too short to take anything very seriously.

Maxine and I kept each other company as we entered puberty. We were on the glorious
road to womanhood and maturity and one day we would be just like our mothers, together. I was the one who loved books and I had a large book that described the systems of the body. When together,we would read the chapter on the reproduction system, then strip our clothes off and look to see who was "developing." (That was Maxine's word for it. As was usual when we saw each other in the halls at Allderdice, we'd say things like "Have you developed any more?") We never competed to see who was the best at anything, whether it was developing, having friends, going out on dates, or performance in school. We loved each other and we would go through life together.

Maxine and I began to go out on "double dates." This was the zenith of our cousinhood and our related-ness and the fun. Of course, Maxine met Harold Marcus by the time they were 15 (I think) so they were always together but through those high school years I had several boy friends and we went to movies, Schenley Park, and Eat & Park. It's hard to write about this without sounding SO hackneyed and cliche-ridden but we all had the natural high spirits of adolescence. During this time we didn't drink alcohol or take drugs. We owed part of our enjoyment of these times to Mr. and Mrs. Behrend, Sam Behrend's parents. They were nice, relaxed parents that let Sam have the car on the weekends. Something all of us will remember FOREVER is seeing the Temptations in person, a gift for the four of us for Sam's birthday (I think).

As women, Maxine and I kept our cousinly ties. And there are many stories but it is all much too long to tell here. I will relate this, however: after we had our kids we wrote back and forth about what they were doing and I would tell Maxine about my Michael, and how brave he was. Maxine reacted with sadness, and some horror, for me when I told her that Michael was in Russia or the Middle East doing humanitarian work. She was always telling me that she respected me for giving my son support in all he felt he had to do. Once when I was sad about something that happened in the past, in our high school years,she sent me a letter (which I keep in my safe deposit box) and she wrote: "Just think, Les. You wouldn't be the wife, mother, and writer you are today if it weren't for those events that happened in the past." Nobody has ever said that to me in that exact same way, that only Maxine could.

Maxine died several years ago. I think about her every day. Thanks, "cuz."